Oklahoma native Tonia Mullins used text messages to contact a hit man to snuff out her lover’s wife. Mullins conspired with her lover, Army soldier Michael Andrew Crawford, to have his wife sent packing out of this universe. Things did not work out as planned for Mullins, fortunately.

Unfortunately for Mullins, but fortunately for us, the texts she sent remain. Here is one particularly ridiculous exchange:

Co-conspirator Robin Berry: "Well maybe I can het friend n trade something he owes me big favors anyway"
Tonia Mullins: "If I can do ne thang let me know. Robin I swear I will give the $ when it comes n … that is n no way a problem … as long as accident I."

Mullins and her friend Robin Berry had gotten no further than discussion of price before police were tipped off and the whole, silly enterprise was put to a close. An undercover agent with the Oklahoma Bureau of Investigation arrested Mullins and her co-conspirators easily. The plotters plead guilty earlier this month.

Next time, use telegrams, not text messages.